If you are from India, have been a part of a regular middle class family and have even thought of starting something of your own, am sure you’d associate with the headline itself! Everything that I’ve mentioned below is based on true incidents. I don’t intend to hurt anyone here, still if you did, sorry about it! Getting to the point, straightaway!
Marriage:
About an year back one of my very close friends told me about a product idea. I liked the idea and told him I could work with him on that if he’s willing to seriously build it. His answer was – “yaar abhi job nahi chhod sakta, 6 mahine mein shaadi hai” [Dude, I can’t quit job right now, getting married in 6 months]. Okay, get married but why do you want give up on an idea you believe in? Your girl will understand, won’t she?
Guess what? Obviously, he never build it and few months back I saw someone (very famous in the startup community) roll exactly that product out and is quite close to getting funded too! Yeah, my friend’s “happily married”, barely at 27!
Update [Oct 19, 2013]: This guy who went ahead and is building this product recently got funded $150,000 and got featured on Techcrunch too!
I know an entrepreneur who literally fights (or used to at some point) with his wife everyday just because she wants another kid and he doesn’t. His company has just come out of startup mode and is heading towards being an SME. “I have a 4 yr old kid and having another one now would take me 4 years back! I have been slowly planning the financials but this would mean I start planning all over again, save even more and take even fewer risks!” is what he said!
One of my ex girlfriend had started talking about marriage barely when we had graduated. I never denied marrying her but I used to tell her lets first achieve something, I want to do a few things in life, be a successful entrepreneur and all this might take a little time, there’s no point in getting married quickly and then allocating funds to expenses that could have been avoided at that age, but no, she wouldn’t listen! Of course, she’s happily married and I, having failed 2 startups in the past, am still building another startup! (I hope this post reaches you, lady!)
Oh! And that concept of getting your kids married at the right age => guys before 30 and gals by 26-27 max! I’ve always stressed, there’s nothing called such as a “right age” – why not just get married when you are ready – 25 or 32 – how does it matter? I hope you’re not thinking about that old shit about retiring and then marrying your kids before that <- That actually is the root problem!
Family:
Sorry to say, but the uncles and the aunts in our (normal middle class) families are the worst. They will keep asking your salary, some of them every single f***ing month. These relatives are probably the ones whose kids would have done “nothing” in their lives, graduated from some (worthless) A league institution in India and landed a fat paying job. And believe me these are absolutely good for nothing folks. If you are a startup guy, you already know that, don’t you 😉 They would join a company through campus placement and would be too scared/complacent/useless that they would spend their entire life within that single organization – without even doing something innovative! These uncles would be happy to show the entire family that the ad in TOI today was done by their kid while all that ad would have is a bollywood diva holding a soap bar in her hand. THATS IT!?! That’s all you learnt in your fancy B School?
What’s the big deal in it? If I pay TOI that much, they will even publish a horse shit pic, they just want money! But no, these are the ones who are valued in your family! Whatever they say are Golden Diamond words. What’s worse is you are always compared to these dumb folks whenever you go to a family gathering. And most, all of them would look at you as if you are the piece of shit lying on the roadside.
To share another case, one such highly respected family member told me to look for a career in animation, back in 2007-08. Recently, I met him at another family gathering a few months back and he said “tum animation me kuch kyu nahi try karte?” [Why don’t you try something in animation?] I was like…dude? You are still the same! Your thoughts are still stuck where they were 4-5 years back! By the way, this member is probably the highest respected person in my family and heads delivery at a multi billion (yes Billion) dollar enterprise and travels abroad every week. Yeah, (sadly) that’s what puts the stamp on his authority! Am quite sure even Steve Jobs or Bill Gates would have spent more time with their families at his age (and still earned much more if that’s what you want to hear).
More problems we face with family/neighbours in this book.
Flat:
The other fantasy about middle class family people is owning a flat! I never get this point. I, really don’t! Why do they want your kid to buy a flat and then spend the rest of his life paying back the loan? Coming from middle class, we’ve never had loads of money to spend. So the way out always is to pay probably a 10th or even less initially and then take a loan for 60% for the next 15-20 years.
And is duly supported by our Financial system! Go and try to raise money for your startup and the same money for a home, you’ll know what I mean!
Once you have a loan on your head, that too a home loan, for not less than 40-50 Lacs, am sure you wouldn’t be willing to take a risk, would you? And that tension of repaying that loan! Anyways, there is very little probability that our kids would stay in that house for long. They’d go places, do stuff in life and make it big themselves! Actually this would connect with Rahul Dewan’s post where he talks how retired people should recede back to smaller towns and do great things. A brilliant thought by the way, go read that!
In another relationship, I told my girl that I don’t earn great right now and that I am trying to build a company and shared the vision. At first she appreciated my honesty but then within a few weeks she asked “Abhinav, hum ghar kab lenge?” [Abhinav, when will we buy a home?] That day itself I knew – she wasn’t the one! No wonder that relationship didn’t last long.(I am quite sure you’re reading this!)
I guess I’ve written, read ranted, too much already or else I won’t be allowed to enter my hometown the next time!
Update: I realized most people, even though agreed to this, say its inconclusive. I must add this: The point is that people who can bear all these pressures and can still build a company, are the ones whom we call SUCCESSFUL!
Update2: Somebody got so inspired that he made a short movie out of this. I got to know from the comments section.
Hi Abhinav
I was inspired by your blog to write and direct a short movie on the topic. It’s now released on YouTube. Thanks for watching and hope you like it!
Here it is:
Update 4 [Oct 23, 2013]: This article has led me to an interview in the prestigious The Week magazine. [Looks like they pulled down the online version of the article, was in their Sept issue]
Update 5: [Apr 19, 2014]: A small section of people thought this blog is sexist, my sincere apologies to you if you think so. However I do not agree with that point and here’s my reply to it: The Flat-Family-Marriage blog raises societal issues and is NOT sexist: Here’s Why
[Update 6: The most important one] The article was published on Feb 13, 2013. On Nov 26, 2014 I got married and I am still an entrepreneur. Maybe a year later I would write how it has been 🙂
Many things out there are true, and kill entrepreneurship in India.
Problem is people are worried about their lives aish-o-aaram. And parents are worried about their children, They don’t want them to face troubles, see them in worries and tired of anything. But same time we also need to understand their situation not only parents but problem of your GF too.
I am from middle class working in abroad, but still have challenges for money. You can not leave your job when you need money to pay your education loan, and raise money for your siblings fee, and marriage.
End of this month I am getting married with my long distance relationship GF. I have dream for startup and always trying for that with new ideas. For entrepreneurship you need time to spend on your startup, and I can’t understand reason behind people not involving their BF/GF for helping them in their startup. I am looking forward to create new startupS by the end of this year with my Wife. BF/GF need good understanding and trust to have successful life.
Good thing is many responses and comments in this post which is indication for many good startups from India.
on thing I missed is can you check DNS setting of “http://niswey.com/” ? Link to “WWW.niswey.com” is working!
Point taken. But if you could appreciate the fact that being a girl it is even more difficult to follow your dream. A man in the Indian context is still pati parmeshwar, still can escape societal norms. What about a girl ? Not marrying or delaying marriage is not kindly looked upon. We are locked in the cycle of marriage and kids. As if that is the only meaning of life left. I wish your blog would have been all encompassing.
I wrote what I experienced. However, I agree, being a girl and trying to do anything different, is even more difficult in this country.
Great Article Brother…….
Every word is true………..:)
Right now am facing the same situation.
But that is the life, we have to overcome from that to success ……. 🙂
This article is completely true and I am one such person who did not take any risk and joined an MNC. I earn a lot but am I happy about what I do? No way. Am I using my potential to the fullest? No.
Great post and all the best to you.
Dear Abhinav,
Thanks for your words…The article was is very nice…
I would like to know what is the way that you are following for start up.Are you getting any MBA degree from high reputed B-school and widening your network to start your start-up?
Or,are you starting your own business excluding Marriage,Flat & Family in you life..
Anyways all the BEST for your start up.I hope to see your business in fortune 500 🙂
Hi Mahesh, There are no rules for starting up. Nor do I have an MBA degree, neither am I excluding any relationship in my life. You just have to balance it out 🙂
Thanks for your wishes.
Well Said Abhinav…I am working in MNC and I closely watching the people what they think..most of them only think about Paying Bills of Credit cards or Paying EMI for house or any other Luxury ,They always bother about their Job( Not work ).If anyone is too bothered about his job more than his own idea then how they will think to become a entrepreneur.
I would like to add to this:
I always knew these things, for me. But its good to know that this problem of ‘uncles’ is shared by others too. And for me, this problem hasn’t been just after engineering, its always been there. e.g. after 12th, some respected uncle said ‘Mechanical engineering is real engineering,.. computers are just s fashion, once all softwares are developed, that field will go away…’ My dad is in Maths, and he started pushing me to take mech. I took comp, without telling him and he dint talk with me for 3 months. But later when he saw real dynamics, i think he understood.
I have broken at least 3 relationships for this ‘settling’ reason. And i think you know the dynamics pretty well there. People look at persons who are above 30 and not married with a crooked eye. (is he gay? whats wrong with him?) So, i was pretty confused in India, like everybody does this, settle down, get married,… and I want to build products, make company, travel the world, learn different skills… Is there something wrong with me??
But after i came to US,, i was so relieved, so relieved! I cant express that in words. Everybody is so awesome, active, career oriented, always up for learning new things, traveling, enjoying life… and not giving a fuck about whether the other person is married or settled or not, and not judging by that, but judging by what he has *really* done in his life. It just gave me a real different energy! Love you America! No wonder there are so many successful companies there in US. If we want similar in India, we need to break this ‘settling’ culture. I dont want to settle! I just want this dynamic life always!
Shreekant, well, you are one those few people who could ‘escape’ this!
Nice post, but that’s a little harsh on non start-uppers…its their choice and everyone is entitled to their choice. Point is everyone should set their priorities straight and work on them.
I for one don’t give a F*** about where my career heads. My priority is automobile, travel and adventure and I work to pay for the same. About settling(marriage), who says having a house means u are settled? I got a flat ,car and every other basic amenity a standard mddle class chap wishes for but heck, I am nowhere close to even considering marriage. There’s nothing called a right age unless u feel its right. Period!!!
About society rants, i totally agree but we don’t have a choice other than facing them. We belong to a Generation-In-The-Crossroads. There’s one side of us which belongs to the 80s which is held by parents and society , then there’s this other side which is the Gen-Y who wants to be masters of their own choice. Next generation wont face this issue.
All the best with your start-up. Am sure you read the book “Stay Hungry,Stay Foolish”. I loved it although am nowhere close to being a entrepreneur in this life 🙂
Cheers
Soumen
Interesting read but very old school – if it were not ‘Flat, marriage & Family’ , we would find other excuses like “Government, infrastructure n probably neighbors”…. What’s surprises me is how much we believe in these excuses. The only reason is lack of ideas that deliver true value. Ask yourselves what are your business plans ? Is it yours, inspired & copied ? All three can be successful at different levels ( my meaning of success is delivering the missing value – not going public or impressing VCs) …. One is not an entrepreneur because one did not hv faith in her own idea. Excuses are aplenty, truth be identified. Be honest. High time we shun these excuses which I hv heard my uncles share in the 90s.
Again and again, I realize that the whole problem starts with the belief system that we have inculcated within us (or our elders have put in us). We take a lot of time to realize that most of our belief system is not worth even a penny. Although most of the people knows that whatever they do is not what their inner voice says, they still do it to gain respect among others. But a day comes when they realize that gaining self respect is more important than gaining other’s respect. That day tears would roll down and the life you had led till then seems worthless. From that day you start gaining self respect and your life takes such a big turn, which is the most important part of every body’s life. Wait for it. Life is beautiful after that!!
Times of India masala?
Nice to read. Found nice reasons to blame others? I completely disagree with you.
Every college grad goes thru dilemma on the ones you listed and many more. Only the ones who are clear, face odds , believe in themselves and their dream/vision are “Entrepreneurs” . Rest happy crown with Flat/Girl/Family…
Need more critical thinking. Do not blame structure when people are not able to achieve because of their limitations. I am glad that all such folks are happy in limited world.
If a person can not handle these simple things which are under his/her control. Forget being “Enterpreneur” and leading others.
Good luck !! Keep the spirit high.
Very good post Abhinav and I can’t agree more, being an entrepreneur myself; I am in
my late 20s and face this pretty much everyday. At the same time, I believe that these things actually help you as well because being an entrepreneur is like being a rebel (going against the traditional job thing) to some extent in India or even outside.
I think marriage may not necessarily be a problem if you meet the right girl but where is the time to find that understanding partner.. as we ( me and my co-founder friends) always try to put every second we have on the idea(s) we work on.
I would put majority of the blame on the society and since we are part of it as well, we get the blame too. Having said that, I think some of the things in India’s past was actually pro-entrepreneurship; like a) Traditionally we believed that it is much more important to focus on the work rather than the actual results, I think any successful person that I have met has implemented this in his/her life. b) Traditionally in India, we gave the highest social status to the knowledgeable people and money was not a parameter in deciding the social status (Brahmins, who were knowledgeable and had no money got the highest status, while king obviously had the money but was second to them).
I think we should start going back to our traditional values and at the same time maintain the modern outlook (like Chinese, Japanese and many other countries) and hopefully the next generation would have a better environment.. till then, keep working hard and inspiring people..
Best,
Robin
Abhinav,
My younger brother forwarded this blog to me as I have had a successful start-up for 2 and a half years and have a strong view on the issues you raise.
1. Entrepreneurship is hard- for Everyone- for the young, the old, the Indian, the American, the man, the woman, and every nationality, ethnicity, or other sectional parameter you can think of.
2. Entrepreneurship demands sacrifice- time, energy, relationships, a vision about a future only you see, passion, health, wealth ( delaying the gratification of a job and its certainties) and regular, hard choices.
3. As you correctly characterize, your article is a venting out, a rant of the very personal experience you have had as an Indian taking the plunge. Entrepreneurship is hard for the Indian as he has been taught, from his formative years to aspire for security- the ghar- baar, biwi and shaadi you have delineated. However, my disagreement is about you vilifying the Indian. Entrepreneurship doesn’t become easier because you belong to a developed nation.
4. One of the critical elements you have not examined is the element of ‘conviction & passion’. Family, parents, the potential life-mate are all convinced by the arousing passion or conviction of a person who believes from the bottom of his heart in an idea. Convincing them in the early days is a rite of passage and a test of will.
If an entrepreneur faces rejection early on, its a lucky thing. It strengthens him and helps him believe more in the idea he imagines will change the world. Perseverance, a Steven Waugh like grit that is more ugly than glamorous, and a smile in the eye of storms- those are what a thought leader make!
I am glad those girls said what they did to you, and your uncles and aunts annoyed you and the pressure to buy a house exists within your vicinity- cause those very experiences will make you an entrepreneur.
All the best for the road and do enjoy the journey!
Yes, you are right, all those rejections have made me stronger. Thanks for your wishes 🙂
I too having the same kind of experience but we shouldn’t stop doing things that we believe they are right. If we stop the stupidity of indian middle class will win…..
Hi Abinav,
Wish you best of luck for your adventure.
Plan it well, and be ready for any sacrifice.
Be independent in every aspect and you surely gona win.
Nice way of Thinking …
Way to go..to change the mind-sets…
Abhinav,
Great article. There are things I would have loved you to consider, but will reserve for a later date.
The great thing about start up.
– It decentralizes the control. Do you know that half-a-dozen companies in the world decide what you eat, what you’ll wear and how you’ll raise your children? see this
– It brings in the faith in the nation. Narian Murthy and other such entrepreneurs would have lived a happy life traveling the world. But they chose a different path and that made all the difference.
– Its a lot of hard work and equally rewarding. Even if you fail, you learn and you bloody learn a lot in short span of time. This is your FEE to become successful entrepreneur (the next time)
– GFs (and their mothers) never dream (while they were growing up) that the roller-coster ride of bringing the company up from scratch. They dream of big house, car and trip to see leaning tower of pisa. They would be more happy finding a investment banking boring guy, than playing a game where there are chances of getting bankrupt.
Just wanted to point out. The cycle needs to be broken
– Once you have a flat, you (or your family) will demand a bigger one.
– Once you have a decent furniture, there’s always best somewhere in that shop.
– Once you have a European holiday, there’s always a American Holiday.
The next time you stop at a red light and a 10 yr old girl knocks at your door trying to sell you sun-shield or indian flag (made in china). Do think about them. Think about them as your own responsibility.
If only, you started a company, few of them would have a better life BECAUSE OF YOU. few of them will not be joining the flesh-trade BECAUSE OF YOU. few of them will not sleep hungry BECAUSE OF YOU. few of them will go to school BECAUSE OF YOU. few of them will get inspired to be like YOU.
cheers,
Mukesh | co-founder Storizen
Thanks a lot Mahesh. I got your point. You mentioned “There are things I would have loved you to consider, but will reserve for a later date.” – I would want you to send that to me, maybe on email? Would love to learn from you.
Sahai,
Good piece of writing , agreed. Seemed like listening to Jordan (Rockstar Fame) singing out loudly ” Sadda Haq.”
Leave aside my first feeling after reading rather listening to your blog.
May God be with you in all your endeavors . I believe that every country has its shares of riding horses and sticky grounds.
Entrepreneurs are the ones who can manage all this stuff and still remain glued to where there heading to . ” CREATING VALUE IN A SYSTEM”
How about accepting , smiling and moving ahead .
On a positive note as I know you , I definitely believe that your day would come.
Feel pity for u dear our old fashioned society wont appreciate ur thoughts but your article reflects the sadness , frustration for not achieving respect from people around than elaborating about reasons why young Indians don’t turn entrepreneurs.. MEANING it(Relative’s Opinions) bothers you .
Remember one thing -Happiness/success is Happiness/success only if you have someone to share it with.
Best luck.
The ever smart krishashok once did this – http://tambrahmrage.tumblr.com/post/18196522435/cutting-down-to-size
And again, everybody have different priorities. Your priority is Entrepreneurship, but for others, its material (house, family etc.) based. Saying that one is correct and one is wrong is not fair.
Although, relatives, especially those Uncle/Aunty swines should not pass judgement. Agreed, totally.
Maybe you can call it the WTF phenomenon – Wife, Tiny tots, Flat! 🙂
Hi Abhinav,
Your article really struck a chord.I can totally relate to this.Girls too have ambitions and dreams.Three years back i was doing small part time jobs to fund for a career in Vfx.three years later im in the industry due to my determination.But things dont end there..when a girl hits 25 she has to listen to people telling her shes getting old and has to get married!Well i dont mind getting married but give me some time,let me be financially stable,let me wait for my guy to be financially stable.And Uncles,married friends are the worst…they just go on asking you about marriage.Really dont know how to escape these guys.
Hello Abinav,
Quite an interesting read.
The only thing stopping young Indians turning into entrepreneurs are they themselves, of-course other factor act as catalyst too. I agree our social set-up and education system is not entrepreneur friendly. There are only these few reasons not to pursue your dream and if some one does not develop their product/company because of these three reason, they were not meant to as many more bigger challenge will come in the entrepreneurial journey ahead. I agree with the fact that the random amount of money that is spent in doing random show offs during a marriage ceremony is useless, the money invested in marriage is a dead investments and can be initialized in making some thing meaning full. On an average the least people spend 10 lakhs on a wedding. 10 lakhs is enough amount of money to launch a product or start a company.
I do not see marriage as a hurdle in becoming an Entrepreneur as there are n number of people who have started at couples and made it bigger as film makers, designs, artists, authors, graphic novelists.
Find a girl/boy who is as passionate and a dreamer as you instead of going for looks and face value. Rather its good to get married soon and start soon on your company. That way you have more time to work on your idea before planning for a kid or starting a family. On the contrary youth think first I want to achieve something and then get married. Take my case, I and my partner got married when we had our jobs and were young, just after getting married we quite our jobs and started our own company, as what job we do and how much we earn is not a big deal for families now but how happy both the kids are together with each other is a bigger concern for our parents.
A wife is one person who would never leave you, your parents and your children would leave you as time passes. I also disagree with the fact that kids come in the way of your dream, take the example of http://geniekids.com/. A couple started it with two kids, they believe in alternative education system which does not condition us as the current education system does and along with their kids they are learning and discovering new possibilities for education. Their kids play a vital role in shaping up their dreams.
So the question is not what would stop you from becoming an entrepreneur but
What you let stop you from becoming an entrepreneur.
Hi Aditi,
Thanks for the nice perspective you shared. While what you shared is true, what I wrote is also a side of the same coin. I don’t disagree with you, one could try that too. You’ve mentioned a wife will never leave you, I’ve heard the other side of the story too. Like I said, a nice and interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. 🙂
I landed here randomly as the blog title just hit me on my face! It’s so damn true, all our lives we’ve been running behind all sorts of things……except our our dreams! An IIM or IIT degree doesnt make anyone an entrepreneur, it’s high time everyone realize that. First of all start dreaming and have the courage to follow to dream (easier said than done!) and even if you dont make it BIG by following your dream, you’ll be a happy person! Perhaps you’ll be able to share your happiness as well.
Hey Abhinav ,
I was thinking to start blogging on this topic for quite sometime now and especially relating it to Girls who aspire to become an entrepreneur but somehow get trapped in the vicious circle of family pressure, marriage , Kids…etc!
Somehow I landed up here…reading yours ! (I guess I’ve to look for some other topic now 😛 😉 ) . Must say you have compiled it well ! Keep up the good work 🙂 .
And best of luck for your third start-up 🙂 !
A lot has been said over your post, and a lot of people noted a certain tone of frustration and judgement against the rest of the world, but I guess you might have been in a bad mood or something. However there is one thing I would like to mention, about the whole setup.
The best counter-entrepreneurship reason is that, change of all kinds, in most, if not all forms creates a dis-balance in an equilibrium state. Now entrepreneurship is all about changing something somewhere. Creating something that wasn’t, destroying something that was etc. Now while most entrepreneurs set out to do good things with their ambition and vision and want to improve things in general, in a lot of cases the way things turn out by the time they hit the market is generally detrimental to the environment, health, society, people etc.
For example, take the example of Henry Ford, he made the assembly line and he made cars. It was a good invention, it has a lot of uses etc. But look around us now, cars are just too many, all around us, polluting all our cities, costing so much of earth’s resources, and so inefficient that they carry around a 1000 kilo of weight of their own to carry a 70 kilo human. Every person who owns a car is an inconvenience for everyone who doesn’t, blocks the street, causes accidents, pollutes the air, heats the environment , makes noise etc etc. Similarly you can look at every new product/service that’s a result of successful entrepreneurship and you’ll notice that eventually it ends up hurting all of us as a species.
My point here being, the Indian system is a very old one, and in all those thousands of years, they probably had learnt that the most sustainable way of living as a species is to not change a lot too fast, else we can’t really surmise what might lead to what. That’s a part of our culture and way we think and act. That’s why we do things that we have been doing for ages, because they have been trusted and tested (of course not all, but you get the idea). That’s why there is an equally good reason to not change anything unless you’re absolutely certain of all the possible permutations that the change will lead to, which is nearly impossible if you think about it.
Anyway, quite agree with your post otherwise. Been there for a while and like a lot of people said, don’t listen too much to others, that’s not an entrepreneurial trait…. 🙂
P.S. Despite my believe that doing nothing is just as good as changing everything about this world according to my personal vision, I chose being an entrepreneur too, trying to make Indians eat healthy food through my little venture… 🙂
Valid points Ashwini. Agree with everything you said. Do let me know if you need any help with your vision to make Indians eat healthy food 🙂