The year round up post! #2014

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

I know I am late on this, but I thought it’s better than not posting at all. So here we go!

A hell lot of stuff planned, lots accomplished, some pending, little dropped off the list, a few postponed, yet, the most eventful year of my life. It started with travel and ended with that, well, almost. TL;DR, three important talking pointers that sum the year up for me:

  1. I had decided to travel the previous year and I succeeded in traveling 3 new places (not for work reasons) this year, including my first ever trip abroad
  2. Started the year with my status as “single”, ended with “happily married”
  3. Started the year as a loss making company, ended in profits

In a nutshell, a f-a-n-tastic year!

It all started with my solo trip to Dalhousie. Actually I left on 30 Dec 2013 itself and the travel continued till 2nd Jan. So the year started with travel and with snow. Wrote about the experience of traveling alone and about getting out of my comfort zone. I do these solo trips once in a while to get my mojo back. It allows me to be with my being and reenergize the body for the battles ahead!

The inspiration behind the post was Bootstrappers 2014 – A Year in Review section on a Startup blog. Being a bootstrapped entrepreneur, I felt I should pen down my experience too, however, small they may be. While I was still contemplating writing this, Suma (my partner) wrote the 2014 round up post for Niswey. It got me thinking, yes, we shared what we did as a company but what about us as individuals? And hence, I thought to recollect everything. Went through all my notes, for the first nine months which were on OhLife! and since it shutdown, the remaining were on Little Memory. {Thanks to Ivan for putting up an OhLife import feature overnight.}

Recollecting, here are some notable things that happened this year.

Professional First:
Going Flat. I had been contemplating on this idea since sometime but it was during my Dalhousie break that I took a call, this HAS to be the way forward. That is what would allow us to grow, both as individuals and as a company. I came back from the trip, met Suma on a Saturday and explained everything. It all made sense to her and we thought to roll this out ASAP. Obviously we couldn’t do this the next very day but in a month’s time we were good to go. We organized a discussion for all of us, which ran for about half a day. Initially, there was a lot of mental resistance but as we discussed the concept more and more and as more questions got answered, it started making sense to everyone. Thus, it was put into action immediately. That’s the beauty of a startup, you can get things moving so quickly that you’ll love it!

This is a kickass session on flat #organization @niswey Got to love this place!

A photo posted by Anubhav Tiwari (@tiwarianubhav22) on

We also started a new practice of discussing individual Goals. What do all of us want to do and achieve. Small things as visiting 10 new places within the city to larger goals like building a community portal, it had all. Since it was a successful initiative, we continued the activity this year too! In April, we had another discussion where we discussed professional objectives for the organization. It had 2 major things:

  1. 5X growth (in terms of revenue)
  2. A Product (to be in alpha phase)

Where are we on that, well, that we will figure out in April. But I can share already that we are in good shape. No, we are not about to be 5X but surely will be about 2.5X, which, is a good number in itself and I am glad about it. Somewhere during the year we’d lost track of that but thanks to our people, we could bounce back! For this, I’ll always be grateful. We haven’t moved much on the product side. Somewhere in September it looked all set to take off but it never happened actually. Thankfully, we, finally are restarting this very soon. This time for sure 🙂 I also started working on a couple of more things in parallel. One is an idea that’s floating since mid-2013. It’s called “Good 2 Fail“. I managed to get an interesting domain, do a small launch and reached out to a few entrepreneurs. Unfortunately, none of them was willing to share their learnings/experiences. Some said they did not have time, some just declined and a few never bothered to respond, even after multiple attempts. If you are one of those whom I approached, you need not be guilty, you can still respond 🙂 Another initiative on which I started working was in the education sector. This is a long term project (might take a lifetime) and I started doing my homework for this. During one of interactions with someone in the industry, I realized it is too early for me to get into this and has to be pushed back. Which is fine with me, at least I now know that I need to be older, wiser and more resourceful (in terms of time and money) to get into this and the occasional guilt of not working towards that is gone now. Believe me, taking it off your head is equally important. Let’s move to some personal stuff now The most important event on the personal front was my getting married. After a blockbuster post about how flat, family and marriage are the reasons why youngsters don’t turn entrepreneurs, I myself gave in 😛 While I am still an entrepreneur, let’s see if both of them survive 😉 

Post by Anubhav Tiwari : Creations and Photography.

 

The second most important thing was my promise to myself. It was mid-2013 when I realized I hadn’t taken an off since 18 months (apart from falling ill that is) and had then decided two things. 1. Take frequent breaks and 2. Travel. I am happy that this year I could keep up both promises. And importantly, will continue to do so.

Apart from keeping up those promises, the most bizarre thing was the way in which one of those trips got arranged. Since this post is already long, I will leave that to another post. It’s the Bali trip I am talking about where I went with Matt and the team from Under30Experiences. If you are under 30 (or maybe just a little over but can coolly hang out with other under 30’s), I suggest you must go with them!

Post by Abhinav Sahai.

Towards the end of the year, in December, I went to another awesome place, Sikkim. Going there just reinstated my thought of traveling more of East India. Need to plan. In between getting married and travel, there are a few other things notable things:

  • A three day NLP Workshop – Made me realize the power of visualization
  • An acquisition offer – Not that were looking for buyers but the offer just does some ego boost, if nothing else
  • Book writing attempt – Participated in a book writing competition by FT & McK. Didn’t win but gave me an inroad towards my dream of writing a book
  • Turned 30 – And spent the birthday in an exquisite and relaxing location like Bali
  • Developed a new habit – Reading books. I read a lot, almost 3-4 articles (not news) a day but wasn’t into reading books much. Read 5 books last year, nothing compared to the global average of 17 but at least got into the habit! This year, my target is the global average. BTW, I am already on my 5th and it’s just the beginning of March 🙂

While we’ve had the first round of goals discussion this year, I am still finalizing my goals. A little delayed but with so much happening at Niswey in the last 2 months, I am not worried about the delay. Will share what I plan and at the end of the year, how did I fare.

In the end, I am grateful to friends, family, customers, well wishers (like you) and the universe, for making 2014 a successful year!

Your turn. Do you plan/create goals? How was 2014 for you?

Looking for intrapreneurs and ex-entrepreneurs

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

The question was, “that’s a pretty high growth rate and would be phenomenal if you can do that. But how will you do it?”

By having great people around me

That’s what I answered when a few years ago I was asked this question by a seasoned entrepreneur. It’s for that very reason that I am writing this post. I am looking or rather ‘hunting’ for those ‘great’ people. In our quest to build an awesome workplace, it’s time to expand our ‘A Team’. So who am I looking for? Intrapreneurs and/or ex-entrepreneurs.

Intrapreneurship
Intrapreneurship

As Wikipedia says: “Intrapreneurship refers to employee initiatives in organizations to undertake something new, without being asked to do so.” Hence, the intrapreneur focuses on innovation and creativity, and transforms an idea into a profitable venture, while operating within the organizational environment. Thus, intrapreneurs are Inside entrepreneurs who follow the goal of the organization. Intrapreneurship is an example of motivation through job design, either formally or informally. 

Or in simple terms, people who:

  • Love to be on their own and not being questioned by anyone BUT at the same time are responsible enough to deliver their tasks
  • Take pride in their work, even if it’s cleaning a toilet
  • Take ownership for their stuff, work and personal, both. Thus, know how to do get stuff done AND at the same time can do it her/himself, if needed
  • Thinks “business”””
  • Are not ready to take the entrepreneurship plunge yet but want to do it someday. If you are in this zone, believe me, this will be the perfect learning experience
  • Have already got hands dirty once and are looking to do it again, just for the sheer joy of it. Whether your company was successful or not, doesn’t really matter. What matters is you tried!
  • Love what they do. Period.
  • Keep “learning” as one of the success parameters in whatever they do
  • Are willing to “mentally” invest in the company
  • Are fearless and have a risk taking appetite

What skill set?

I believe a skill set can be built, what matters is the intent.

What role?
Well, everything that a business owner has to do. Sales, marketing, client engagement, manage,  think (and not procrastinate), organize and most importantly, write.

Having said that, I must mention a few roles here

  • Web Analytics
  • Digital Marketing
  • Visual Designer
  • Copyeditor
  • Content Writer / Marketer (Enterprise writing)

All those roles are detailed out on Niswey’s careers page, so you may want to have a look and say:

  • You are good at one and are while willing to learn others
  • You are really good at one and are willing to build a practice (and team) for just that
  • Know bits and pieces of a few and are willing to be good at all or at least most of them
  • Don’t know any of that but can do something else really great AND want to learn them too

Although I have tried to elaborate who will fit this role, but still I would like you to go through some more pointers written on our careers page. If you still have questions, please feel free to write to me at abhinav [at] niswey [dot] com. I’ll be happy to talk/explain about things, in detail.

About Niswey: we’re into solving business problems using the digital medium. We work in a flat structure and our culture is pretty open, read more about Niswey’s Culture.

If you’ve read so far and think that not you but a friend might be interested in such a role, please go ahead and share this with her/him right away, I’d really appreciate it, thanks!

Stop being ‘Politically Correct’

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

A few days ago I gave an interview. While I said whatever I felt honestly, I got feedback that while I may still feel the same thing, I shouldn’t say it publicly. Criticizing people (from the industry in this case) might not be the best thing to do openly. Although I listened patiently to the feedback and for sometime felt it may be the right thing, after a lot of thought, I realized, if I do that I may not remain honest with myself. And that, being honest to myself remains the most important thing to me.

I am not afraid to call a spade, a spade. For this very reason, often people don’t like me or my words. But still, I never understand why should I give politically correct statements? In fact this ‘politically correct’ statement is the root cause of a lot of problems.

I’ve seen subordinates not telling honestly when they see a problem – eventually resulting in business losses. Why? They might lose points during appraisals.

Similarly, another case is, agencies not saying the right thing because they want to be politically correct in front of their customers. Why? they might lose business if they tell the truth.

Sales folks, well, there’s a reason why that term has earned ‘that’ reputation.

And most commonly, politicians. Lets not go there. Those are the people who have given rise to this term after all.

Imagine if our teachers (and parents) stopped pointing out our mistakes or never scolded and agreed to what we wrote/did? Looking back, you *might* agree, the most hated teachers are the ones from whom the learnt the most, provided you had the right intentions and you accepted feedback positively.

Stop being nice and being ‘politically correct’. It helps no one. Not even you. BTW, there’s a difference between being honest and being rude, don’t confuse them!

Like I wrote in an earlier blogpost (stupidity vs integrity), there are no right or wrong answers and you may have your own perspective, as for me, I’d be happy being hated for something that I am rather being loved for something that I am not!

Stop blaming. Take control of your life!

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

If my parent’s hadn’t pushed me to do engineering, I would have never done it!

I hate doing this stupid IT job but my family wants me to do it

I don’t want to get married but I have no choice

Almost every week I hear these lines. Sometimes multiple times in a week. Most of the times I would just do a “hmmm” and move on while on a few occasions I would try to give some advice. The advice would normally be around how to solve the situation instead of running away from it. My ratio of advising vs “hmmm” is not better than 1 out of 10. A few years ago this ratio was much better. 9 out of 10 if not 10/10. Over a period of time I realized that people don’t want to solve their problems, they just want to blame others. These include parents, society, spouse, kids, managers, government, roads, rains and what not. In short, the universe is to be blamed for all their problems. And this is why I stopped advising anymore.

If you can’t do anything about your problem then you are to be blamed not anyone else. Not your friends, not your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, not your parents, not God, no one. Period.

Also, please stop blaming your parents. If your parents asked you to study something then that’s because they thought that’s best for you. If you had something better in mind then you should have told them and maybe pursued them to allow you to study that course. If you didn’t pursue then probably you did not want to really study that. It was just because you didn’t want to do what they said even though you did not know what would be the best choice. In which case, isn’t it fair to just accept what they are saying? Later on if you find something better, go study that. To share, even I didn’t want to be an engineer. After 12th, I announced that I don’t want to be engineer. The entire family (parents, uncles etc) gave me a good scolding and told me I was behaving stupid. Honestly, I didn’t know what course should I go for if not engineering. Now I can tell I would have loved studying Mass Communication but I hadn’t even heard of such a course back then. Nor had anyone in the family. So? They made the best choice as per their (and my) understanding. And I am grateful for that.

Similarly, if you hate your IT job, why not find out what you like? And then make an effort towards it? Yeah, I know you want to start a restaurant and be your own boss but ask yourself what have you done for that? (BTW, somebody already answered that why you can’t/won’t be able to do that. Read: Tumse Na ho Paega)

Just like any other engineer in this country, I also joined one of those labour (IT) companies with swanky buildings, nice coffee vending machines, well dressed folks (at least some of them) who were bitching about their jobs and managers all the time. BTW, that’s the norm these days. Anyways, just because I joined one such company didn’t mean I had to stick forever in that job. At least not when I don’t like it. Yeah, again, I didn’t know what to do, but this time I made an effort. I went to a career counsellor. Yeah, some of you might term it “stupid”. Another few would have already termed me a loser by now and might not read any further but then obviously this post is not for you. Let me tell you, going to the counsellor was the best thing that happened. Even though the counsellor could not figure out what should I be doing in life, but still it changed my life. The story there is a blog post in itself so I’ll write that some other day.

The point I am making here is that I made an effort to actually figure out what I want to do in life. And then the universe conspired to make things happen! I could have easily blamed parents, family, society, girlfriend and everyone around to say they did not want me to leave my job. Yes, I did not tell any of them before I quit but how does it matter? A few days/months of hiccups and then everything was fine. Looking back, those months are nothing as compared to the life since that day.

Please remember, our loved ones care about our happiness, nothing else. For that they may keep suggesting/advising you stuff that *they* think is right. If you don’t agree with them, figure out what you *think* is right. If don’t have an answer, better accept their advise and move on. Stop blaming them! Meanwhile as Steve Jobs would say, “keep looking, don’t settle”.

At the end of the day, the universe will conspire to help you achieve what you *really* want. Mind you, what you really want.

And for whatever you are and whichever state you are in, just be grateful to your well wishers and loved ones! Thank them!

Integrity or Stupidity?

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

I met a friend a while back. He was coming back after getting his watch repaired. Here’s the conversation we had:

Friend: the businessman was stupid?
Me: why?
Friend: when i went to the shop this guy said he would charge me 250 for the repair. Today he told me that it actually cost him 550 rupees but since he had committed 250, hence he would charge me only that much.
Me: (interrupting him) Wow!
Friend: wow? How stupid!!!

We didn’t pursue the conversation any further. While I was thinking, what great integrity, my friend must have been thinking what a stupid businessman. I think both of us are thinking right. Lets see how.

Stupid businessman: Ideally he should have said something like, “I am sorry, I underestimated the issue and the part that had to replaced was way expensive than what I had thought. It actually cost me 550 bucks so it would be nice if you could pay me the same.” My friend would have argued a little and maybe after some fuss he would have given 550 or maybe negotiated for 500 lets say. The business of a business is to do business. Which means he should not suffer a loss knowingly and should make every possible attempt to assure profitability for his business. Perfect business sense. But since he did not do so, hence a stupid businessman.

My opinion: By telling the truth and still not asking for the extra (actual) money, the businessman showed his integrity. For him his integrity mattered much more than 300 bucks! If I was there instead of my friend, I would have insisted and paid him the entire amount, not sure whether he would have accepted it. More importantly, I would have shared the incident with other friends and would have recommended in case they were looking for watch repair shops (in the same vicinity). Actually, I have still shared the story and would still recommend 🙂 Eventually, it *might* get him more customers. However, I feel that’s not important. What’s important here is the self respect for the business owner. He would have had a good sleep that night, which, in my perspective, is far more important than anything else.

Like The Bhagwad Gita says, there are no right or wrong answers, there are only perspectives.

What’s your take? What would you have done?

The Flat-Family-Marriage blog raises societal issues and is NOT sexist: Here’s Why

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

If you’ve landed straight on this post, then I must mention, this is a reply to all the women (and men too) who got offended by an earlier blog post of mine and some of them even termed it sexist. While on and off quite some people have thought that, this particular comment yesterday forced me to write a reply.

Here’s the comment I received few days back:

The incredible sexism in this article made it very hard for me to agree with some of the valid issues that were brought up. Maybe you could broaden your very narrow mindset and consider that women do have dreams and aspirations beyond having another child? Many women would like to be entrepreneurs, but they need to overcome a huge amount of societal pressure to get married and settle down by as early as 20, pressure that is far more than that faced by their male counterparts.

The entire tone of your article is one that stereotypes women into the category of nagging annoyances that are hindering Indian men and their entrepreneurial dreams. I don’t know what women you’ve been dating but maybe you only seem to connect with very traditional women because you, yourself, have a very traditional mindset towards gender. I cannot see a motivated, driven young woman being attracted to someone like you, who doesn’t even acknowledge the possibility of female entrepreneurs in India, in an article titled “Reasons why young Indians don’t turn entrepreneurs”.

I also found your use of phrases like “my girl”, “your girl” and “I hope my ex-girlfriend is reading this” demeaning and bitter.

FYI there are a lot of female entrepreneurs in India. Some at a smaller scale, running beauty parlors, and many at a larger scale, starting NGOs etc.

Hi Anu,

First of all sorry if you got offended. Secondly, thanks a ton for your comment. While I have received a lot of good feedback on the blog from women and men alike, some have written in to express concerns you have raised and your reply really pushed me to answer you. In fact honestly speaking, I got offended by you terming the article or me ‘sexist’. I wasn’t okay with it so I thought to reply to you. Since the reply was long, I converted it to a blog post itself. Here it goes:

Let me apologise first to all you who got offended by it, in any manner. While writing, that was never the intention. Since it was a rant, the language didn’t turn out to be flowery and some of you felt bad. Apologies again.

Secondly, Anu, this is a personal blog, my version of the experiences i have had. I do not pretend to be writing articles that are rooted in surveys, or has interviewed people in similar situations. After reading my blog, someone actually did that, The Week magazine to be precise – see point 3 below.

Coming to the answer, let me share a few incidences, post that article, they should answer it.

1. One of the very first things that happened was that a female entrepreneur SMSed me, “Dude the sentiment that you’ve expressed in that blog, is the same how I feel everyday. People asking me about when do I plan to have kids and all…” She went on for sometime expressing how she could relate to every bit of that article. [I wish I had taken screenshots of that sms and stored, would have helped today.]

2. Another successful female entrepreneur (now in her 40s) said, “that’s exactly how I felt when I was young like you, why don’t boys want to get married to a female entrepreneur?””

3. In Sep 2013, The Week magazine did a story on “How young entrepreneurs in India are facing a problem in getting married” – A lady journalist did that story. Along with me she covered 4 other (single) entrepreneurs, 2 out of whom were women, again. The crux of that story was same as that of my blog. The problem is ancient Indian mindset/society. And not what you think I am saying, “women”. Couple of more points I must also mention here. First, when this story was being written, the journo asked me to connect to more single entrepreneurs. I asked a couple of “women” entrepreneurs and they refused to say anything in public about this. Obviously, no one will ever complain about them. Since I raise and talk about a norm which I feel is an issue, people are bound to get upset. Second thing is, when this story got published online, it did not get good feedback, for obvious reasons. And was eventually pulled down from their portal! Well, I have a copy of the print issue, can share it if you want.

4. In Nov 2013, a “women” entrepreneur got in touch in with me and honoured me since the post made it to the most read post ever on her community portal.

5. The second most important point, another women entrepreneur asked me to join hands in building the biggest portal for women in India (and possibly the world). Yes, she knew about the post. I can say that with certainty because we had this conversation at the event mentioned in point 4 above. Again, she could have thought the same and could have never initiated this. Today, we are working together.

6. The most important point. Six months after that post, I merged my company with another company, that was run by, not one but two women entrepreneurs. Needless to say, they had read that post as well.

I could go on with more stories but I think these are enough to tell you that my mindset is broad enough to get me the chance to interact with many phenomenal people, women and men, both professionally as well as personally.

Just to make it clear, the problem statement I focussed on was “Indian Society” and not “women”, as you think. Hope this helps.

I’ll even take this opportunity to mention that I strongly support women rights and entrepreneurship. I am a supporter of the #VAW (Violence Against Women) community and have participated in events earlier. And I do read (books like Lean In) to address and understand such problems and how to eradicate them.

Obviously everybody has their own opinion, so some of you chose to disagree while others agree. It’s your opinion and I respect that. If you are still offended, apologies once again.

Update: May 22, 2014: A friend shared her perspective a few days back, sharing it here, with her permission.

Another perspective
Another perspective

Getting out of my comfort zone

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

I’ve realised, half our lives we live in fear. Various forms of fear:

  • The fear of communicating: “What will happen if I tell him the truth?”, “What if she rejects me?”
  • The fear of doing things, esp when for the first time: “I can’t do that, I’ve never done it before”
  • The fear of taking risks: “I can’t quit my job and start a venture, its way too risky”
  • The fear of losing (things): “What if I lose everything that I have?”
  • Many more …

Have you ever thought what if you did the thing that you feared and then came out…

  • With the love of your life
  • A mentally stronger person
  • Accomplishing tasks that you thought were almost impossible
  • With the experience of a lifetime
  • Successful!

I think most of us know all these things that how it will – might feel but still we don’t take that extra step.

Let me share an experience I recently had.

I have a huge liking for organized trips. I should know which bus/train I am boarding, where to get down, where to go after I get down, where am I staying, etc etc. This time I chose to do it differently. All I knew was that I wanted to travel out of Delhi and to an unseen place. At first, a random trip, alone, far away, seemed too difficult. But then I chose to do it as it pushed me “out of my comfort zone”.

Googled around, found some portals/blogs and made a decision to head to Dalhousie. Google (and some blogs) mentioned that it takes about 2 hours from Pathankot to Dalhousie. <insert pic> They are/were all wrong. It took me 4 hours. You can discount 1 hour that I spent at 2 places waiting for buses, still, 3 hours. That’s a 50-75 % deviation! Anyways.

Pathankot to Dalhousie distance
Pathankot to Dalhousie distance

By the time I reached Dalhousie, I was already uncomfortable with the fact that it had taken me much longer (it 3 PM instead of 9 AM) to reach the destination. More discomfort with the hotel I choose. I imagined to stay in a place that would be warm, cozy, silent where I could work/meditate/write peacefully. Argh! It was none of those. The heater seemed ineffective, the doors had enough space between them that allowed breeze flowing through and in fact the room had wonderful cross ventilation, so all the more breezy, with temperature hovering around zero degrees! I had to make a choice out of:

  1. whether to stay and not work or
  2. move out and find a hotel which gave me the comfort to work

I chose none of the options. I chose to stay and do what I had planned. Initially it was a struggle but then I managed and then in a days time, I accepted the conditions and did whatever I had thought of. I now realise, after I accepted, I got comfortable! And eventually, accomplished my objectives and tasks with which I went!

I am not comfortable writing when I have company, I prefer solace. Being new year time, there were celebrations all around and I barely found peace during the nights in my hotel room. I wanted to write but just couldn’t. So I tried something different, plugged into light music which cut down some of the noise and then wrote. After successfully finishing my writeup, what I realised was that I was uncomfortable with the fact that there are people around or there is noise. In the end they were also playing music (which I myself did to cut them off)! I guess writing in solace is a comfort factor for me but not a necessary condition. It was just about pushing myself out of that zone. I often don’t write when I am at home because I don’t find solace but maybe from now on, I can. Isn’t that a win in itself? For me, it definitely is!

Using cold water: It was snowing in Dalhousie, temperature was below freezing point. Even touching the water seemed a daunting task, so wherever possible I would initially avoid 😉 But then I said to myself, why I am not touching it? Just because its cold? Okay, really cold and I my hands would go numb for sometime. But that’s it no? Nothing more. With that thought I started using it and then got comfortable, so much so that I bathed without heating the water eventually. When I came out of the bathroom, I felt so gooood, I JUST CANNOT EXPLAIN. Its then I remembered, till 2-3 years back, I had never used hot/warm water. And was comfortable. I wouldn’t skip bathing even during winters and that too with cold water, always. So then what changed? I believe its once I started using warm water, I got ‘comfortable’ with it. And then going back to cold water pushed me out of my comfort zone.

I had one of the most wonderful moments when I experienced snowfall for the first time

Snowfall in Dalhousie
Snowfall in Dalhousie

I loved the view next morning, little did I know what was going to come. It kept snowing/raining the entire day and as a result of which, all roads were blocked for the next 2 days. No buses were plying, only people who had their own vehicles, risked their lives to drive out from Dalhousie. I was stuck. I had a return ticket from Pathankot but there was no way I could reach there. Again, things going off plan, initially I got frustrated but then said yeah, lets accept and plan for the next 2 days 🙂 And spent the rest of my stay in peace and made them productive. Needless to say, once I accepted, I got comfortable.

In fact even 2 days after the snowfall I asked a taxi drive if he could drop me to the nearest bus stop. He asked for Rs.500 – for barely a 6 KM drive. I was like, really? He responded, “sirjee itna risk leke jaenge, 100-200 rupees k liye thodi karenge“. (Sir, I will not take so much risk for just 100-200 bucks!) Now I understood the side effects of snowfall 😛 I thought let it be, I chose to walk! Yes, I actually grabbed my baggage and started the 6 KM walk. It was too slippery and on the way I found quite a few vehicles stuck as well. I thought to myself, glad I didn’t take that cab! On the way I found boards that said, “Beware of Trespassers” and had the image of a bear. Honestly, that scared me a little and I became more cautious now but didn’t stop and kept walking. Luckily after 4 KMs, when the snow on the road was barely there anymore, I found a bus 🙂 I heaved a sigh of relief and hopped in!

Now when the trip is over, I feel I am much stronger mentally. I can write even when not in solace, I can get stuck at an unknown place and do something productive instead of cribbing, I obviously am more comfortable traveling alone now and the best part is I got back to Delhi’s cold and bathed with cold water 😀

Why I like traveling alone (and maybe you should try it too)

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

Pardon me for the excessive use of “I” but I guess writing this in first person will make more sense.

I like to work really hard and get exhausted and then take an off. So for 6 months or so I would work my ass off, mostly on weekends too and then get exhausted and take a break! I took a break about 6 months back where I was on a no-laptop, no-phone trip and had truly enjoyed every bit of that 7 day off.

This time around I am traveling alone – yes, all alone. I had decided about a week back that I will take a break and put a leave notice to the company immediately. I needed time for myself. In fact all of us do but most of us never realize it.

In the daily rut of life: clients, partners, colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, siblings, GF/BF, spouses, kids and some other stuff (like Facebook, Twitter) we don’t find time for ourselves. I have an identity of my own and if I am not spending time with myself, I am not nurturing that identity. I feel, in this fast daily life, if I don’t stop and take care of myself, after a few days I feel lost. Completely lost. So much so that for every task that I do I would ask myself, why am I doing this? And before I could even find the answer, I would have another task lined up and would rush to that without putting in much thought or answering it. We normally kill that voice and move on. After a certain time, either we will stop and say “wait, let me answer that first” – which is what I do or we say “aah, let that question be there. It keeps coming back, “we will answer it later or not answer it at all” – and the voice – gets a slow death.

By the time we realize that voice again, its too late. In some cases, these turn into what this nurse disclosed as the Top 5 regrets by people while on their deathbed. 

So I took a lone break, primarily for three reasons:

  1. To think about my own identity. Whom am I? Am I doing what I really want to do in life? Why do I do what I do? If something needs to be stopped? Whether something needs a course correction? Whether I am fulfilling all my roles and responsibilities (being a son, brother, boss, partner, colleague, friend etc) or being just myself? Where am I lagging? What am I overdoing? So I answer these and a few more of these questions. And more importantly, I take decisions – some of them tough ones.
  2. To actually take a break from work. Being in a client servicing business, there’s barely a moment when I don’t worry about a client deliverable, irrespective of whether its on track or not. Being an entrepreneur and not thinking about getting more business all the time, I feel, is a sin. To be a manager and not think about the growth of your team is another impossible task. So a few days off without worrying about answering calls, replying mails, sending texts, discussing new opportunities, making proposals, getting more business, conducting more internal trainings – is a blissful time. You forget all this and focus on other things in life. It could be anything. Even a small cup of tea (without worrying about the things I mentioned above) seems W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L.
  3. Its about getting out of your comfort zone. This is a complete complete blog post in itself and I’ll write about that in the next few days. [Update: Wrote Getting out of my comfort zone]

So then what I do on these lonely trips?

First and most importantly, I switch off my phone. And keep it that ways until I return back to base. How else would I avoid those calls, texts, mails? I’ll be honest, this time I had to switch it on midway because it was new year time and I had to make a few calls, and was expecting a few too. So 31st eve, I switched it on and got back connected to the world. But during my previous trip, I kept if off for an entire week!

Secondly, keep minimum gadgets with yourself. You may or may not agree here. Last trip I didn’t carry my laptop either. This time I did, will explain below why.

So now that I was disconnected to the world, here’s what I did:

  1. Explore the place, obviously. I purposely chose a place which I hadn’t visited earlier. I strongly feel the best way to explore a place/thing is to visit/do it alone. You just have to do what your mind says and if there is any element of curiosity in you, you’ll end up exploring a lot more than with anyone else. Alone, I can keep walking and exploring stuff and not be dependent on the people who are accompanying me. I am a great lover for long walks, especially when on unknown paths. And often I’ve found myself in a position where I have not been able to do this when I am with others. It becomes difficult as I/we have to take care of everyone’s wishes. Not everyone can walk long distances, or is inquisitive enough and in a group it becomes difficult that ways. Please don’t be offended if you have been with me on a trip and are reading this. Its not that I always want to travel alone or that I don’t enjoy the company your company, but sometimes, I do need a lone journey too, as it gives me “freedom”. I walked almost 5-6 km daily (on days I could step out) and stopped at random places, noticing weird things, clicking (un)interesting pics and doing foolish stuff. When with others, you can’t do all of that, believe me.IMG_0904
  2. Made some plans for the next year – no these are not new year resolutions before you think that. I have a long list of things that I want to accomplish during my lifetime, so this time of the year, each year, I take calls on what needs to be done next. Not that I achieve all of them, but at least I know what my destination is. Helps me reach somewhere instead of being nowhere. And it keeps me aligned to my life goals as well. Just had a look at my last years’ list, I’ve achieved 50% of that – which I feel is not bad I feel. It kept me focused and has shown me my path for the next 12-18 months actually. Some of them turned unimportant during the course of the year and now I can strike them off, easily and not be guilty or regretful about it either. Knowing what you want to do is important but I feel its equally important to know what you don’t want to do! So I worked on my goals, hope I accomplish more than 50% this time. [This is the reason, I carried my laptop]

Important thing to note here is that, like in the previous case, where wandering alone helps me explore more, in this case where I need to plan, I need to be alone too. Disconnected from the world. Its because all these answers come after a lot of time, when you’ve been thinking uninterrupted. So often I would see that I would start thinking something, then move out of hotel for anything, then carry on to explore the city and during this city exploration I would see something or something would happen that would give me the answer to my original question with which I started from the hotel. Amazing! Isn’t it?

And this cannot happen when you are in your own city, even if on a leave. Distractions would keep occurring and you would never get that “me time” or “mind space” to think all this.

Obviously, these are things that I chose to do. And I chose them because I wanted to nurture my identity. You may find your own reasons and find a lot more other things that can/should be done. Meditation is another thing you should must try.

By the way, guess what? I am not the only one who travels alone:

Oh and one more thing, I heard (and learnt) from Freeman Murray – traveling alone allows you to meet more new people and make more friends, because when you are in the group – you talk to only that limited set of people 🙂

View outside my hotel room in Dalhousie

View outside my hotel room in Dalhousie

If you are a lone traveler too, do share your thoughts, would like to learn more from your experiences.

Purpose of life, or the lack of it?

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

Yesterday we were having a goals discussion at Niswey and I raised the point of a “purposeful life”

Later in the day I was discussing this with a friend and he told me how most of his friends are now lost in life and do not know what to do. Read the write up he sent, you will know what I mean. BTW, he’s aged 40+

There’s a trend that I have noticed this year. I probably have seen signs of it over the past years, but this year the trend is sharper.

A whole lot of my friends are dealing with emptiness or boredom or depression. Some of them are touching 40, or have crossed 40.

All of them are financially well off. They have lovely spouses, and lovely kids. They have lovely homes and lovelier vacations. They party a lot. But once in a while they come across this feeling that they don’t know what to do about.

All of them are great at what they do….great teachers, business development ninjas, even a couple of entrepreneurs.

‘I am bored, I swear I am going to quit my job and work for an NGO,’ says my super saleswoman friend.

‘I am so unhappy man…feel like going and having an affair,’ says a one-woman man. ‘Money and family isn’t everything, is it?’ he wonders.

‘I don’t know, I have been thinking of meaning a lot these past few days. What does this all mean?,’ says a super smart guy that others would gladly exchange places with.

‘I like my life, I have nothing to complain about. My students adore me. I am the life of every party. My son thinks I am the best mom in the world. But there are days like today, when I am so low, I don’t know what hit me,’ one 43-year whatsapps me.

One close friend group has been having discussions on anti-depressants, and people in the group have run up research on ‘not having a purpose in life’ as a cause of depression.

Call it mid-life crisis, call it boredom, call it what you will.

But I really think, all these wonderful, happy, competent, brilliant friends of mine didn’t spend much time to think how would they live their meaningfully. They got excellent at their careers, made money, married the right people, and so on. But they stare at emptiness, maybe not all the time. But I suspect the frequency of it is more than before.

Which is why I hear of it from them, a lot more now.

Upto you to decide whether you want to do what you love or tell your friends at 40 that you are depressed. Your call!

Waking up to death

Posted on (Updated by Abhinav

5.15 AM: I get a call from one of my best friend. “He’s dead” is all he says before he burst out crying.

All I could manage to respond was “Shit” and then heard him cry for the next 2 minutes.

My friends’ childhood friend and current roommate was no more. All he lived was 28 years!

So what happened? Did he meet an accident? Not sure. Was he suffering from some disease? Nobody knows. But wait a minute, does that matter now? Whatever be the cause, its immaterial now.

So if it doesn’t matter then why am I writing? I don’t know. Maybe I got moved? But then I barely knew this person. 4-5 meetings during some group celebrations should not move me, no?

But there is something in my mind ever since I returned home after seeing his body being sent to his family (from the hospital to his hometown). That ‘something’ which rose from the statement my friend made, “he wanted to live, he really wanted”. I was wondering, ‘why?’

No, I have no clue about how his life was. But there must be ‘something’ which is why he wanted to live.

I woke up to his death. He left and the question is remains unanswered – why? What if you woke up to death tomorrow morning – To your own death! ‘Why do you want to live?’ Ask yourself….