Monthly Archives: July 2014

Stop blaming. Take control of your life!

If my parent’s hadn’t pushed me to do engineering, I would have never done it!

I hate doing this stupid IT job but my family wants me to do it

I don’t want to get married but I have no choice

Almost every week I hear these lines. Sometimes multiple times in a week. Most of the times I would just do a “hmmm” and move on while on a few occasions I would try to give some advice. The advice would normally be around how to solve the situation instead of running away from it. My ratio of advising vs “hmmm” is not better than 1 out of 10. A few years ago this ratio was much better. 9 out of 10 if not 10/10. Over a period of time I realized that people don’t want to solve their problems, they just want to blame others. These include parents, society, spouse, kids, managers, government, roads, rains and what not. In short, the universe is to be blamed for all their problems. And this is why I stopped advising anymore.

If you can’t do anything about your problem then you are to be blamed not anyone else. Not your friends, not your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, not your parents, not God, no one. Period.

Also, please stop blaming your parents. If your parents asked you to study something then that’s because they thought that’s best for you. If you had something better in mind then you should have told them and maybe pursued them to allow you to study that course. If you didn’t pursue then probably you did not want to really study that. It was just because you didn’t want to do what they said even though you did not know what would be the best choice. In which case, isn’t it fair to just accept what they are saying? Later on if you find something better, go study that. To share, even I didn’t want to be an engineer. After 12th, I announced that I don’t want to be engineer. The entire family (parents, uncles etc) gave me a good scolding and told me I was behaving stupid. Honestly, I didn’t know what course should I go for if not engineering. Now I can tell I would have loved studying Mass Communication but I hadn’t even heard of such a course back then. Nor had anyone in the family. So? They made the best choice as per their (and my) understanding. And I am grateful for that.

Similarly, if you hate your IT job, why not find out what you like? And then make an effort towards it? Yeah, I know you want to start a restaurant and be your own boss but ask yourself what have you done for that? (BTW, somebody already answered that why you can’t/won’t be able to do that. Read: Tumse Na ho Paega)

Just like any other engineer in this country, I also joined one of those labour (IT) companies with swanky buildings, nice coffee vending machines, well dressed folks (at least some of them) who were bitching about their jobs and managers all the time. BTW, that’s the norm these days. Anyways, just because I joined one such company didn’t mean I had to stick forever in that job. At least not when I don’t like it. Yeah, again, I didn’t know what to do, but this time I made an effort. I went to a career counsellor. Yeah, some of you might term it “stupid”. Another few would have already termed me a loser by now and might not read any further but then obviously this post is not for you. Let me tell you, going to the counsellor was the best thing that happened. Even though the counsellor could not figure out what should I be doing in life, but still it changed my life. The story there is a blog post in itself so I’ll write that some other day.

The point I am making here is that I made an effort to actually figure out what I want to do in life. And then the universe conspired to make things happen! I could have easily blamed parents, family, society, girlfriend and everyone around to say they did not want me to leave my job. Yes, I did not tell any of them before I quit but how does it matter? A few days/months of hiccups and then everything was fine. Looking back, those months are nothing as compared to the life since that day.

Please remember, our loved ones care about our happiness, nothing else. For that they may keep suggesting/advising you stuff that *they* think is right. If you don’t agree with them, figure out what you *think* is right. If don’t have an answer, better accept their advise and move on. Stop blaming them! Meanwhile as Steve Jobs would say, “keep looking, don’t settle”.

At the end of the day, the universe will conspire to help you achieve what you *really* want. Mind you, what you really want.

And for whatever you are and whichever state you are in, just be grateful to your well wishers and loved ones! Thank them!